Trader Joe's Defense UP

Trader JoePrice: $2.69 plus tax
Serving: 1/2 bottle, 8 oz.
Calories: 120 per serving
Fat: 0%, 0g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 1%, 15mg
Protein: 2g
Carbohydrates: 10%, 29g
Fiber: 4%, 1g
Sugar: 28g
Caffeine: 0mg

***

Trader Joe says: A blend of juice, herbs & vitamin C combined to fortify you.

Abi says: Unsaid on the bottles, but definitely implied is that this beverage will protect you from colds and flus and all-around general illness. Check out this list (by the way, this product is NSFV or Not Safe For Vegans):

While I’m familiar with Vitamin C and highly skeptical (rightly so according to the National Institutes of Health) of Echinacea, I have no idea what Royal Jelly, Bee Propolis, and Lemon Bioflavenoids are supposed to do for me during cold and flu season.

I remember Royal Jelly from a Nancy Drew book that involved some runners and a Russian athletic diva (after considerable internet research it turned out to be Nancy Drew No. 96, The Case of the Photo Finish). Bee propolis is a sealant for unwanted open spaces in the hive. The example in Wikipedia notes that it would be used if a mouse or lizard crawled into the hive and died there. Unable to carry out the invaders, the bees would seal it in with propolis. Yum!

I can’t find any literature on Lemon Bioflavonoids that isn’t produced by a Vitamin company, but it appears that a study performed in 2007 showed that the antioxidant properties of flavonoids so loved in test tubes didn’t actually perform in the human body. It appears that Trader Joe’s is actually selling us tasty juice full of wishful thinking.

Don’t worry, this stuff won’t hurt you. Plus, the juice tastes pretty darn good and completely lacks any ‘herb’ flavors. If you’re in the mood for some orange juice and your mom is in town and you’d like her to think that you’re taking good care of yourself, put a bottle of Trader Joe’s Defense UP in the fridge.

If you’re not that worried about appearances, regular old orange juice is just as effective as the additives in this beverage.

January 9, 2008 | Leave a Comment 
Filed Under Trader Joe's, Apple, Pineapple, No Preservatives, Fat Free, Orange, High Fructose Corn Syrup Free, All Natural, Juice, Four Stars

Trader Joe’s Triple Espresso Mocha

Trader Joe’s Mocha Triple EspressoPrice: $1.29
Serving: 8 fl. oz. (236 mL)
Calories: 130 per serving
Fat: 4%, 2.5g
Cholesterol: 0%, 0mg
Sodium: 3%, 80mg
Protein: 2g
Carbohydrates: 8%, 24g
Fiber: 0%, 0g
Sugar: 19g

****

Trader Joe says: Three shots of espresso and cocoa

Abi says: Before I ever drank coffee, I drank bottle Starbucks Frappuccinos. Only in vanilla. Only in a bottle. Why? Because they were on the meal plan at school, a meal plan that carried only Pepsi products, and thus no Diet Coke. So, I drank one Vanilla Frappuccino every morning for approximately 2 weeks before my body began rejecting all milk-heavy forms of beverages.

Hello, self-diagnosed lactose intolerance.

When I saw these Trader Joe’s espresso drinks in my Silicon Valley store, my first thought was “What a rip-off of the Starbucks DoubleShot.” My second thought was “Oh, well that’s Trader Joe’s recipe for success: similar things for lower prices.” and my third and final thought before putting this item in my basket was “I hope this doesn’t make me sick.”

And it doesn’t. Make me sick, that is. Instead, it is a sweet and creamy blend of milk, cocoa, sugar, and espresso. It is a nice mid-afternoon substitute for a bowl of ice cream and a great way to treat myself for getting through beta-testing that should be done by a machine, not me.

Thanks Trader Joe’s, for making your own, slightly cheaper version of a Starbucks product that I can drink without feeling like I have morning sickness.

October 20, 2007 | 2 Comments 
Filed Under Trader Joe's, Chocolate, United States, Milk, Coffee, High Fructose Corn Syrup Free, Coffee, Four Stars

Trader Joe’s Organic Chocolate 2% Milk

Trader Joe’s Organic Chocolate 2% MilkPrice Per Box: 4 for $3.00
Serving: 1 container, 8.25 oz.
Calories: 230
Fat: 8%, 5g
Cholesterol: 7%, 20mg
Sodium: 5%, 130mg
Protein: 10g
Carbohydrates: 11%, 34g
Fiber: 3%, 1g
Sugar: 30g
Calcium: 35%

*****

Trader Joe’s says: Shelf stable chocolate milk? It’s like moo-sic to our ears! Keep these convenient, single serve packages in your pantry until you’re ready to use them. Best chilled, this chocolate milk is udderly convenient and organic to boot!

We say: The complete name of this beverage is Trader Joe’s Organic Chocolate 2% Milkfat Reduced Fat Milk. The words ‘milk’ and ‘fat’ each appear TWICE in that title. Also, they mention that it is ‘best chilled’. After consuming this milk at lukewarm, we can say that under no circumstances should this one drink this milk at any other temperature than icy.

Now that the labeling shenanigans are over, please be aware that this is not a ‘health’ item. Sure it is only 2% milk (not whole!), but it still packs in a whopping 30 grams of sugar. We happen to not give a damn about that. Why? Because it is super-freaking-chocolatey. And not chocolatey in the sense of candies that contain pseudo chocolate (Baby Ruth, we’re looking at you), but chocolatey in the way that a S’more contains chocolate.

We’re giving this milk 5 stars for these 5 important reasons:

  1. It is shelf stable. While this might seem creepy, in actuality it is fantastic and will give you more fridge space for beer.
  2. Zero grams trans fat.
  3. Organic. Meaning it won’t make us prepubescent at age 7
  4. Chocolate! Wonderful, wonderful chocolate chocolatiness.
    Warning: do not consume with something else chocolatey (Oreos, brownies, etc.) or the milk will be overpowered.
  5. Cheaper than osteoporosis.
  6. Comes with a straw

Yeah, that’s 6, so sue us.

August 24, 2007 | Leave a Comment 
Filed Under Chocolate, Organic, Trader Joe's, Milk, Dairy, Five Stars